Flogher

Here's my response to Kristen King's post on her blog bizchicks rule http://www.bizchicksrule.com about Blogher. Dear Kristen, This is what happens in the corporate world every day. Put a whole bunch of ambitious, formerly-held-down women in a room and unleash their tongues, and you get what's called a catfight or a smackdown, you choose. Men have always protected each others sins and pleasures. Women don't. Ask any women who her fiercest critics have been, and you have your answer. It's the reason men rule the boardroom, we women are so competitive and "mean" to each other to use your own words, that I'd rather work in a room full of man eating lions than in corporate. girldom. We claim to not want divisions based on gender and then have "blogher." Why not flogher And, if anyone of us, ( even those like me who try to support womens' efforts where-ever I go), can say they don't commit the sins you list below, regularly, then I'll eat both my hat and shoes. Sex in the city wasn't a hit just because of the sex, it was the sharp competitive girl chat that made it a hit. * What do you do when you hear a rumor at work, or anywhere else for that matter? Do you listen to it? Do you ignore it? Do you repeat it? * How do you react when others are gossiping in your presence? Do you participate? Do you sit by silently? Do you leave? * Do you ever start or spread gossip and rumors about another woman at work or elsewhere in your life? * Do you talk about other women when they’re not in the room? * How do you handle it when you have a problem with another woman in your life? Do you talk to her about it, or do you talk to others about it? * Do you discuss others’ failures at length, either in a closed group or in public forums? * Do you mock other women who dress differently, speak differently, make different life choices? Do you participate or enable when others do? * Do you make a point of bringing other people down? yours Wisequeen.

Comments

[Jean Murray]

Wisequeen: I have been an administrator, running departments in academic institutions and elsewhere, for many years. I would much rather have men as employees than women. If they don't like you, you know it. They aren't sneaky like women.

Women need to act more like men.

[nick]

Women are very competitive, I agree, and it is not a good thing when people are more focused on overtaking each other than on the common task. In my experience, when men are competing, they do more openly, like in a sport match and you know they are in a challenge.

[Miranda]

Women have many redeeming qualities as workers. But I do agree that solidarity with other women is not one of those qualities. As mentioned, men will protect each other's sins and pleasures. But women have been brought up not to enjoy those pleasures, and society has routinely punished women for the pleasures men have traditionally enjoyed. Additionally, women have -- for a large chunk of history (some of it quite recent) -- been dependent on "their" men. For their survival, women have had to be aligned with and protected by husbands, fathers and brothers. It means that instead of identifying with each other, they have to identify with men. They have had to fight each other to "gain" protection from men. Women have, consequently, developed a set of weapons for advancement that is completely different from men's.

I think it's also interesting that some have expressed the opinion that women need to act more like men. You know what happens when women act more like men? They are castigated for doing so. Consider: When I openly competed with men and women in academia and in the workplace, I was labeled "aggressive" and "bitchy" and "too opinionated." In other words, I was acting like a man. (But in men, aggressiveness -- it's called assertiveness when it's a man -- and strong opinions are valued.) But if I had been "sneaky" and "passive" in my efforts, "acting like a woman," I would have been labeled "catty." Women are in a very tough position: Just look at Hillary Clinton. When she "acted like a man" she was flogged by everyone for not being feminine enough. When she "acted like a woman" to soften her image, she was ridiculed for being too emotional and not tough enough to handle a "man's job." Michelle Obama is just starting to get the same sort of treatment. Bottom line: Society still doesn't like women who "act like men."

Women have come a long way -- many of us overcoming the societal position and pressures we've been dealt. But there is still, obviously, a long way to go.

[Dee]

Wisequeen read some of your content and really agree. Women need to stop being threatened by other women and start developing real networks not gossip clubs that only include the people they can choose and control.
I didn't attend blogher and wouldn't attend write her, art her, doct her,law her, or any other event that is specific to gender. This is a clique by another name.
Keep up the good work! D

[Fabienne]

Dear Wisequeen, I do fully agree with you!!! I did work in a Team of 15 men in IT and did not have one single problem in a whoole year. But I am lucky now, we do have an Assistant (L.) witch ist really down to earth and a wonderfull person.

[nick]

about miranda's:
I agree that, when it is about women, the line between assertiveness and aggressiveness is seen much narrower than with men. The problem is that men still don't know if assertiveness and strength in women has to be feared or appreciated and many women are scared to be assertive than became aggressive, but life is always a matter of finding the right equilibrium. It will need time, but I am convinced that if you want to compete with warriors you must act like a warrior.
nick

[anne]

I have a male boss at the moment...and he is excellent...I have worked for females, some were ok, but some were quite bitchy....I had another male boss years ago and he was brilliant as well...

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